


A Guilty Heart

by emeraldwitch



Category: Torchwood
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-12
Updated: 2012-12-12
Packaged: 2017-11-20 23:25:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/590867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emeraldwitch/pseuds/emeraldwitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gwen's remembering things that she shouldn't, and feeling incredibly guilty about it all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Guilty Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for the novel "Border Princes" and episode 2x05.

"POETS?" Jack had only caught the end of the conversation; and was now looking at Gwen suspiciously. "Where have I heard that before?"

"I dunno," Gwen said, pursing her lips and shrugging her shoulders. It wasn't as if it was an expression they'd venture to use in front of the boss. He was easy going, as it was, but they didn't know how well "piss off early, tomorrow's Saturday" would go over. Especially since half the time, Saturday was just another day. When you signed on with Torchwood, you agreed to a schedule of "a day that ends in 'y' is fair game."

"I'm thinking not," Owen said. His back remained to them, and Gwen wasn't sure from his posture if he was laughing or just trying not to slice open his hand while sterilizing his medical equipment.

"Owen? Why don't you finish up what you're doing and head home, I wanna talk to Gwen about something."

Owen didn't need to be told twice, he hastily finished drying the implements he'd been washing and sat them aside to be put away properly some time later. He didn't see where it mattered much — as long as there was no cross contamination that would muck up their tests — since it wasn't likely a corpse would get an infection and die again. He left shortly after via the tourist information centre, rather than the lift.

Jack took a seat on the stairs that led up into the higher levels of the Hub, and eventually to Myfanwy's cave. He gestured for Gwen to sit next to him. "Do you remember him?"

Gwen looked for a moment as if she were going to play dumb; but finally she settled onto the cold metal and nodded. "Yeah... I can't believe I was stupid enough to fall for it twice."

Jack looked momentarily alarmed, but composed himself quickly. "You remember them both?"

"Retcon isn't exactly effective with me," Gwen reminded him gently. "I think I forgot Adam long enough that he's gone. James came back quicker. I think it was that he was real..." Gwen looked puzzled for a moment. "Adam was real, but we didn't actually interact with him the way he made us believe we had. James was a legitimate member of our team, and not just for two days."

"I know what you mean," Jack assured her. "It could also have been..."

"You knew?"

"James didn't tell you? Yeah, I knew. Nothing gets past me." They laughed because it was true. Jack knew just about everything that happened to his team.

"That's twice, Jack. Why do I keep doin' this?" Jack could tell from the way she'd jumped up and begun to pace that they were no longer talking about alien mind games.

"Gwen, I'm really not the person to ask," Jack reminded her. He'd shared a few stories, and what he hadn't was easy enough to fill in. He flirted with everyone and everything; and if they wanted to, he often went to bed with them. He was far from the picture of monogamy.

"Does it make me horrible that I miss him?" She sighed, tugging her hands through her hair.

"I don't think so," Jack said. "There are times that I miss him. Obviously it's different; but he was a presence."

"I should be glad he's gone, Jack. I'm so thankful that I didn't hurt Rhys; but I... There are days that I wish James was still here."

Jack wasn't sure exactly when he'd taken on the mantle of "team counsellor" on top of his other duties; but if it kept them from jumping off the deep end, he didn't mind it too badly. He also knew that Gwen couldn't talk to anyone else about this particular problem. The rest of the team had forgotten James; and no one wanted to discuss her brief affair with Owen.

"I can't say that it's alright because as long as you're beating yourself up over it, it won't be." Jack sighed. Gwen had become like family to him, one of the many relationships that had changed since he and Ianto had gotten together. He hated to see her this upset. "You have to remember that you can't change it, though. James was a big part of your life while he was here; and that's to be expected."

"I just wish I knew why... Why I keep doing these things," she sounded close to tears; but Jack knew better than to get up. She was pacing, wearing herself out and breaking down her own walls. If he tried to comfort her now, she'd balk.

"I can't answer that, Gwen. No one can answer that but you..." He could tell that she didn't appreciate his philosophical approach to the problem at hand. "Maybe the problem is that you don't feel like Rhys understands the work we do here."

"He doesn't," she dead-panned. Even after Rhys had seen the Hub, and been killed in the Hub, and done so many things as a de facto member of Torchwood, he still didn't fully understand.

"Alright." Jack sounded a little concerned by the quickness of her answer, but left it alone. "Maybe try to explain it... talk to him about it. I know, I know... secret organisation; but I think putting your ass on the line for us gives you some perks. Find out what he's worried about, find out what he wants and what that has to do with Torchwood."

"I don't know if that's the solution," Gwen sighed. "I really don't."

Jack looked at his watch. "It's a little late for POETS, so maybe it's time for you to head home to that wonderful husband of yours? He's very real, and very human; and he loves you. Some days that's all you can ask for with this job."


End file.
